Author: Cynthia Swan

early morning Ugh, I can’t journal this. I feel awful, like my insides are at war and willing to sacrifice the island for the flag on top of it. Every pilot is a kamakazi. mid-day That’s it, the hair is coming off right now, I am not going to wait around for big long chunks of my hair to be […]

Joy of joys, the mail is now being consistently being forwarded from my permanent Volcanoville address to my temporary Sacramento address, and 90% of what gets through are medical bills. No wonder people die of this stuff, if they can’t afford the care and cures that would save them. My first bill today was for $18,651.84. The second one was […]

“Stress Relief Mineral Bath Salts.” Hmmm, RrreEEaaly, well, let’s see if they work. Not that I’m feeling any particular stress that needs relief, but after all that tub-scrubbing on Sunday, I had to give the tub a try. Well, ok, aside from a minor ant problem and some sorely needed re-grouting for the tile, you could say the bath is […]

Ugh, waited too long to take anti-nausea medicine, now I’m hungry but the thought of food makes my insides roil. Darn, I even knew what I wanted to make for dinner, if the leftovers are still in there. And I really want to go to the fish store to look at more ryukens (now that Crystal’s gone), but the idea […]

Wow, people are so amazing. Brian baby-sat me while Mark taught classes @ TBTR tonight, and Mark said after class that soooo many of the students were asking about me and how I’m doing and telling Mark to tell me they’re thinking about me and sending their love and good intentions and on and on. Soooo nice. Heck, I practically […]

No major problems today during the chemotherapy treatment, though we were a little surprised that I was getting IVs for over four hours today. Mark stayed with me the whole time. . . he’s reading Katie’s book to me (“A Romance on Three Legs,” it’s about Glen Gould the pianist, a pretty quirky guy with an incredibly unique playing style). […]

mid-day I feel crummy, and chemo doesn’t even start until tomorrow. I made us breakfast and washed all the dishes (why he thinks washing an entire sink full of dishes by hand with water running the whole time actually saves water I’ll never know). Then I checked on my aquarium because it was getting low on water, so I was […]

Wasn’t too bad this morning, we went for a tandem ride and got me a new seat for the tandem, then I got car sick this afternoon, couldn’t nap to get over it, now I’m still feeling icky, we tried a little embrace and ten seconds of tango in Mark’s office and figured out I can’t take a guy’s shoulder’chest […]

Ugh, I spoke too soon last night journaling . . . I ended up throwing up two more “series” and man, oh man, do I hate that kind where you’re heaving and nothing comes out but your body’s all locked up heave after heave so you can’t take a breath . . . ugh, last night was awful. Of course […]

Thayer told Mark the surgery went well, and now I have this lump an inch or two below my left collar bone and a tube from that port going pretty much all the way to my heart, as I understand it. It’s called a porta cath, and this port is where they’ll give me all my chemo treatments and do […]

What an insane day. I already had a full day’s worth of stuff to do to tidy things up for Chain while I’m gone, and then going through the presentation this morning Gary had some really good ideas for additional analysis, which I then spent most of my day on, unfortunately. So it’s getting on into the evening, we’re leaving […]

A new day. Sometimes it seems like a new day will never come. But it did. This new day brought mutual apologies and some new planning, and things were pretty much smoothed over very nicely. I had one more night at home with the cats and ended up working until 9PM on a presentation I would have given last week […]

early morning The whole Mark-leaving-town thing bothered me because I had been using the thought of Mark as my caretaker too much for making myself believe I can get through this, it was like the last bit of strength I thought I needed to get through this came from believing in him, and this little trip was a shocker because […]

Back home with the cats tonight. Finally aired the house out, and the cats have calmed down quite a lot, probably because I settled in with them instead of leaving again. I had enough time tonight to catch up on So You Think You Can Dance, but now it’s well past what I wanted for my bedtime. Of course, as […]

No sleep again last night, worried about this Mark-being-gone-for-a-week thing. When we talked this morning Mark said it only has to be three or four days really, not a whole week, and that it’s not even confirmed yet. So, who knows how it’s going to work out. Worst case I know my parents will come out, and then I can […]