Author: Cynthia Swan

10AM The pharmacy company brought my chemo drugs this morning, a whole box full. And these aren’t chemo drugs for the hospital, these are just the drugs for us to administer at home to counter the side effects and stuff. Ugh, eight different medicines, all with different instructions, timing, etc., uff da. Glad I’m not going to be trying to […]

Man, that first oncologist must be really concerned about liability . . . they resent me their form letter regarding the “missed” appointment (that never existed) with an electronic signature this time. Reading the second copy of the form letter, I’m not as offended as I was when I received the first copy, but then again, now we know what […]

You know, I don’t know how she does that. I called my parents from the lobby of the doctor’s office yesterday and gave my mom an update during the drive home (Mark was driving, we have this new “hands free” law about cell phones in CA). And she of course spent a couple hours then returned calls to all of […]

OK, so the oncotype dx test showed my recurrence score is a 25, so we’re going to do chemo. No adriamyacin though, which is great because that’s the one that’s damaging to the heart. We have another test to do to see if I have the genetic BRCA genes that indicate higher breast cancer risk, which may make him add […]

One of my fish is sick. Well, one of my remaining two fish is sick (Crystal, as you may recall, had a successful suicidal episode while we were away in Las Vegas). Anyway, Rerun had these spots starting to grow on two of his fins (he has seven fins), and when we looked at him really closely today and then […]

We’re home, and after, what, maybe eight hours back in California, I’m back to being so antsy and anxious that I can hardly sit still. One of my fish, Crystal, was dead in the aquarium filter when we got home. Mark says she must have jumped over the edge of the tank. I drove out to Volcanoville to check on […]

Another fun day hanging out in Vegas, we rode the roller coaster at New York New York, which is AWESOME!!! And we went up the Stratosphere to look out over Vegas from 110 stories up, that’s quite a site. It’s amazing (and ridiculous) how much Las Vegas has changed even just since I started going there. I remember all these […]

We had a great time wandering around in Las Vegas today, we had a ridiculously expensive sorbetto at the Forum Shoppes at Cesar’s palace, and we had lunch sitting right next to the canal in The Venetian. We went to Scythe’s show tonight and just had a blast. I have this friend, Scythe Cameron, who is a singer/songwriter and lives […]

Well, here’s a new one . . . it definitely never occurred to me that I may have this dilemma for my blog . . . of not being able to blog for a few days because of going on vacation! But I really don’t want either of us taking our laptops to Vegas this weekend. We’re just going to […]

Up at 5AM downloading Mark’s birthday photos, journaling, blogging, then the 6AM start to the long Chainalytics day-before-the-report-goes-out. Too much fun, that’s what I’m having today (not). Mark and I got out for an enjoyable Mexican lunch though, and had some big and fun conversation. He’s almost glowing with excitement about flying off to Vegas to have fun this weekend! […]

So I’m in the kitchen staring in the fridge figuring out what the heck to make for lunch (we’ve been avoiding buying lots of groceries since we’re leaving town for the weekend, so the pickin’s are gettin’ slim), and Mark scares the daylights out of me when he starts to come in the kitchen from around the corner behind the […]

Wow, I haven’t worked in the same office as other people in, gosh, more than five years. It’s different! Not that I’m here every single day (well, ok, I was here every day last week), but I certainly work from here (Mark’s house) more than from my Volcanoville home these days, and this office is now better equipped than my […]

Well that worked out pretty well . . . Mark spent most of his afternoon and evening helping out some friends and I needed to work and I didn’t know when else I might have time to go home before our little trip to Vegas and I didn’t want the cats to go more than a week without a refresh […]

Day 2 of cancer treatment limbo creating tension I am just not strong enough to bear gracefully, and you know who faces the brunt of my frustration . . . it’s sadly comforting to me that he’s frustrated by the wait too.

You know, some days I just cannot pretend I’m fine. I wish I could, to make it easier on the people around me, but it’s just not happening today. I finally gave up, shut down the computers, turned off the phone, and am getting off the grid for a while. The underlying tension of cancer treatment limbo is just . […]