cancer – day 45

Man, what a difficult day. I can’t seem to do anything efficiently anymore. I had a document on the cusp of being ready to go out this morning, but then finishing up the editing took me way longer than it should have, and I had all kinds of problems with google mail for the send because I was trying to use the mbbc account instead of the cmiller one to make it easier for Chain to keep track of later when I’m out. By the time the file was done and out, I felt like I’d wasted my entire morning. Of course, it wasn’t actually wasted since it was work that absolutely had to get done, but still, it annoys me that it took me so much longer than it would have a few months ago when I was less stressed, less worried, getting more sleep, and apparently in better mental condition. Frustrating.

And besides that, the pain is seriously bad now. I must have strained something hauling luggage around for the Chicago trip, because today the pain is uncontrollable with regular Tylenol. I was in tears trying to get dressed after taking a shower. I can hardly close my right hand tightly enough to even pick up my notebook, and I can’t take any real weight with my left now either because it pulls across my body and hurts the right side too much. Uff Da!! The only painkiller I have any leftovers of at this point is Darvocet, which both kills my stomach and I’m not allowed to drive on, so even if I decided to deal with the nausea of taking the Darvocet, I couldn’t take it because I have to drive to Roseville for this board meeting tonight. Good grief, do I ever NOT feel like putting on my brainstorming cap and fake I-feel-fine face and posture for two hours to get through a meeting. Which is SUCH a bummer, because I really like what CSCMP works to accomplish and I always enjoy being a part of that.

I listened to my caretaker though (Mark), who suggested I call Dr. Thayer, and lo and behold they’re giving me a new Tylenol-3 prescription for the surgery on Friday anyway, so they just called it in to a pharmacy nearby and I can go pick that up on the way to the board meeting. Now I just have to drive the car with one arm and figure out a way to get my bags out of the car and into the house when I get home to Volcanoville late tonight.