cancer – day 44

Wow, I was so ridiculously tired today. Then again, I only slept a couple hours last night, maybe three if you stretch the definition of “sleeping.” I gave up trying to sleep at 1:30AM, and didn’t bother going back to bed until almost 5AM because there was just no point in trying. I had three factors working against me last night: I was in considerable pain from hauling bags through the airports and getting my seat kicked by a 3-yr-old for five hours on the plane back, I was stressed out (the story behind that’s a little too long to tell right now, maybe another time), and Mark isn’t over his cold yet so he’s still really congested and his snoring even woke him up, which is a bit of poetic justice for us light sleepers of the world. Of course, eventually he was the one sleeping and I was the one that gave up and went to the computer. Usually the problem for me in falling asleep is calming my mind enough for it, when there’s lots of stress and pressure there’s just no stopping my mind from running around and around a problem. But last night, even when I was able to do that, calm my mind, then I was left with the pain, which wasn’t exactly fun to focus on or think about, and was too intense for me to sleep, so my mind would kick back up. Makes for a incredibly restless lack-of-sleep night, as opposed to just a normal lack-of-sleep night (which I have fairly often and can generally deal with through the following day).

We did make it to Brian’s to have brunch with he and Elizabeth today, which was nice. After brunch at “The Inn” (Brian refers to his place as “The Bradford Inn,” his last name being Bradford of course [oh wait, FUNNY story about the trailer hitch engraved “Bradford,” remind me to tell you that one some time!] ), anyway after brunch we went back to Mark’s and napped. I was so tired at that point that I slept really hard for a solid couple of hours. I ended up being so tired all evening anyway, though, it was ridiculous. That kind of tired where you can’t think straight or move well. I was even having trouble comprehending a book I’ve started reading (wait a minute, it’s the same book I couldn’t focus on to read that night in the hospital, hmmmm). So now, not trusting that being exhausted is going to insure a good night’s sleep while Mark’s still sick and snoring, I’ve given up and just took an Ambien, because I cannot afford to be tired like this during my work day tomorrow. Now off I go to read, because the last thing you should be doing on Ambien is communicating with anyone!