cancer – day 363

Chuckle. One of my friends sent me an e-mail about scheduling something, and included a quick “P.S. Your blog is very pink.” =D

Another oncologist appointment today. Four hours in the car, holding on to that damn steering wheel through all my twisty roads (but mostly controlling it with the heel of my hand on the freeway). Nothing exciting to report from the oncologist . . . yes I have to keep taking the Tamoxifen even though it makes me sick to my stomach and I don’t feel good, and no, there isn’t anything the doctors can do about the neuropathy, and yes, the neuropathy is supposed to get better over time. Now he’s admitting it can take 18 months and longer for the nerves to heal from the chemo drugs. Ugh, doctors. Was that eight minutes with him (and getting blood darwn) really worth four hours in the car and having to work when I got home?

I need to start writing my blogs in the morning before my hands hurt so bad and I’m not so dejected. I honestly still feel very upbeat and positive about my life in general, mostly because I love where I live so much and I know I’d rather have neuropathy than be dying of cancer or still in chemo. I met a woman who goes to chemo every 15 weeks because of the kind of cancer that she has (which, of course, I can’t remember the details of now, stupid chemo brain :p ). This woman goes through the chemo nastiness over and over and over again, I think she said she’s been doing it for over two years now. Yeah, I have neuropathy and it sucks, but oh my gosh, at least I’m not collapsed on a dirty floor with nausea and fatigue or getting bone pain stabbing my spine anymore. It really could be sooooooo much worse, but here I am in my little house in the big woods, waking up to birds chirping and Seoul purring every day, literally surrounded by beauty. I have no reason to complain about my life, neuropathy notwithstanding.