cancer – day 225

OMG, I totally forgot to mention the drawbacks of the car, and they’re funny! My gripe is that it smells like Dirty Man. You know, that smell that comes from a guy throwing his dirty clothes in a pile on the bedroom floor until the whole room reeks of old sweat and guys shorts. Nauseating! Mark is going to have to get the entire car shampooed to get rid of that smell. The other drawback makes me chuckle . . . Mark thinks it’s “frumpy.” So he’s already planning out what wheels and stuff to get for it so it doesn’t look so much like a soccer mom car. So it’s a little frumpy, who cares?

We drained and wiped down my aquarium today to clean it out. Draining it wasn’t too bad, at least the top and sump tank were fairly easy. But then there is this reservoir part of the sump tank that I couldn’t reach with the water pump, and I had to get the water out with a towel, soaking it full of the water and then wringing out the towel in a bucket. I didn’t really think about it because soft things don’t bother my hands as much as things with edges, but wringing out the towel was really hard on my hands. And when I tried to turn the square knobs on the filter tank to take that out, I completely lost it. Those edges were soooo sharp to my hands, and my hands were already burning too much to finish the towel-wringing, and I couldn’t even get up off the floor, it was so painful I just sat there under my desk and cried. This was some of the worst neuropathy pain I’ve had, I mean I was literally shrieking in my sobs it was so awful. And then of course I was exhausted and couldn’t do any more and Mark had to finish the tank for me. How the heck am I supposed to convince myself that I’m ok and to deal with the constant burning as a given when it gets that bad?

But I’m still going to the milonga tonight, after the Christmas concert with Brian and Julia. I’m going to be gone three weeks for Christmas, and I want to try to do as much dancing as my body can tolerate before I leave.