cancer – day 190

My dad sent me a pps file yesterday that was these photos of beautiful sceneries with a story about a man who had four sons each of whom he sent on a quest to see a pear tree, each in a different season of the year. The first son went in winter and thought the tree was withered and ugly, the second son went in spring and thought the tree was full of promise, the third son went in summer and thought the blossoms were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and the fourth son went in fall and thought it was full of life and fulfillment. And the point was that you can’t judge a person by only one season of their life. That really got to me, because this whole cancer thing has really been a “season” in my life and I have to remind myself that it won’t last forever and that it’s not who I am. I hope Mark realizes that, and that he doesn’t hold “cancer girl” against me after this is all over. I’m still living with him now during radiation, so I only have to drive about fifteen minutes from here to radiation every day, instead of the 2-ish hours each way it would be from my house. Then when radiation is done I’m going to go stay with my parents a couple of weeks (it’ll be Christmas then), and then with the new year I’m expecting to be back at work full time and live at home in Volcanoville again. Who knows where things will be then, or how I will be feeling health-wise after treatment. I can’t imagine this neuropathy thing going on for months and still being a problem in January, though I guess it’s possible. They’ll also start me on tamoxifen in January, which will be the third phase of cancer treatment that, if I tolerate it well enough, will continue for five years or more. I’m glad the tough stuff will end in 2008 though, it will be good to look at 2009 as a new year.