cancer – day 172

I am so glad chemo is over. All the side effects lasted longer this time, and I can’t imagine how bad it must get when you have to do six months of chemo instead of three. It’s week 4 after the last chemo session now, and I’m still in week 3 flu-symptoms mode, along with still getting nauseas from food cooking smells or riding in the car, the ridiculous fatigue, and the neuropathy, which has gotten even worse this chemo round than with previous rounds.

My hands drive me nuts, hurting all the time, especially the more that I use them. After yoga last night I was in tears again, the pain was so bad in my hands. Same thing with eating using utensils, especially forks for some reason. Last night my hand was shaking uncontrollably while I was trying to eat with a fork. My feet are bothersome but don’t hurt as constantly as my hands, but when they do hurt the pain is worse. There’s something exquisitely painful about putting your body weight on your foot when your foot feels like it’s burned underneath. Mostly with my hands it’s the palm side that hurts, not the back of my hand. So I find myself sitting with my palms turned up a lot so that my palms and fingers don’t touch anything. It looks a bit odd, but feels better than having my palms and fingers touching anything.

We went to see the substitute medical oncologist today to follow up on the neuropathy and other remaining side effects. Going in, I wasn’t sure what the value of this appointment would really be. Everything I’ve read on neuropathy says that you pretty much have to tolerate it and wait it out . . . I haven’t read about anything the doctor can prescribe to make it feel better or to heal it. It can take two months to recover, or six months, or two years . . . and some people have neuropathy for the rest of their lives after chemo; the doctors don’t know who is going to be most affected or how or for how long. Similarly, there’s nothing he can do about the fatigue. So what was the point of this appointment today? Actually, he did give me a new prescription for a medicine that is supposed to help with neuropathy pain but it takes a few weeks before the medicine has a noticeable effect. He wants me to use it for a month before deciding whether I think it’s helping or not, so, we’ll see.