cancer – day 107 "The First Litany of the Side Effects"

I read these lists of side effects in these chemo books, and they seriously remind me of this thing they have in a Catholic Mass called the Litany of Jesus Christ, Priest and Victim. It basically is a repetition of prayerful phrases asking for forgiveness and blessing, and they do it as part of the process of blessing the congregation and the Eucharist, from what I remember. It’s the “Lord have mercy,” “Christ have mercy,” “Lord have mercy” one. It can be long, and also wonderfully meditative with the right musical composition beneath it. Most of what I remember about Mass (no, I don’t go anymore, the only Masses I’ve been to in the last few years have been in Yankton because my parents still go and they like for me to come with them) is from how the music is used, since I played the flute in church for, omg, almost 20 years. Uff da, is that possible? If you count that I played for a service at my mom’s church this spring, then yes, I’ve been playing the flute in church for 20 years. Wow.

OK, so this journal entry isn’t about how young I was when I started playing the flute or how old I am now (the fact that I’ve done anything for twenty years is going to take some time to sink in). This entry is about chemotherapy side effects because I’ve been doing a disservice to my target audience, young women with breast cancer, in the interest of not making the reading too difficult for my family. But you know, I think there have been enough tears shed over my blog that everyone is probably learning what their own tolerance level is for reading any treatment details. So, there’s my disclaimer. If you hate reading about pain and difficult physical stuff, skip this one. Oh, and since this is taking so long to write I can’t finish it in one journal entry, skip tomorrow’s entry too, it’s going to be more graphic. I promise not to write anything else interesting or thought-provoking so you won’t miss anything by skipping a couple!

The First Litany of the Side Effects

Side effects that may affect you . . . anemia.
Side effects that may affect you . . . appetite changes.
Side effects that may affect you . . . being clumsy and losing your balance.
Side effects that may affect you . . . bleeding.
Side effects that may affect you . . . body aches.
Side effects that may affect you . . . bone pain.
Side effects that may affect you . . . changes in taste and smell.
Side effects that may affect you . . . chills.
Side effects that may affect you . . . confusion and memory problems.
Side effects that may affect you . . . constipation.
Side effects that may affect you . . . decreased bone marrow function.
Side effects that may affect you . . . dental problems.
Side effects that may affect you . . . depression.
Side effects that may affect you . . . diarrhea.
Side effects that may affect you . . . dizziness.
Side effects that may affect you . . . dry mouth.
Side effects that may affect you . . . early menopause.
Side effects that may affect you . . . easy bruising.
Side effects that may affect you . . . fatigue.
Side effects that may affect you . . . feeling light-headed, fainting.
Side effects that may affect you . . . feeling weak or tired.
Side effects that may affect you . . . fever.
Side effects that may affect you . . . fingernail or toenail changes.
Side effects that may affect you . . . hair loss.
Side effects that may affect you . . . headache.
Side effects that may affect you . . . hearing loss.
Side effects that may affect you . . . hiccups.
Side effects that may affect you . . . hot flashes.
Side effects that may affect you . . . infection.
Side effects that may affect you . . . infertility.
Side effects that may affect you . . . irritability.
Side effects that may affect you . . . itching.
Side effects that may affect you . . . low blood pressure.
Side effects that may affect you . . . mouth sores.
Side effects that may affect you . . . muscles and joints weak, sore, tired, or achy.
Side effects that may affect you . . . nausea.
Side effects that may affect you . . . numbness, burning, pain, or tingly feeling.
Side effects that may affect you . . . pain when walking.
Side effects that may affect you . . . secondary cancers.
Side effects that may affect you . . . sensitivity to hot/cold foods.
Side effects that may affect you . . . shaking or trembling.
Side effects that may affect you . . . shortness of breath even with mild exertion.
Side effects that may affect you . . . skin rash.
Side effects that may affect you . . . stomach pain and cramps or heartburn.
Side effects that may affect you . . . sun sensitivity.
Side effects that may affect you . . . trouble picking up objects or buttoning your clothes.
Side effects that may affect you . . . urinary burning or pain.
Side effects that may affect you . . . vaginal dryness.
Side effects that may affect you . . . vomiting.
Side effects that may affect you . . . weight gain.

Now that I’m compiling a complete list of side effects from my chemotherapy drugs AND the drugs they’re giving me to counteract the side effects of the chemotherapy drugs talk about planning scenarios, it’s no wonder any given cancer booklet can’t list all of them. There are soooo many possible sie effects, it’s mind-boggling.

The medical people at Sutter have told us that I must be sensitive to the medications because I seem to have had about every side effect they run into. Mark agrees with them, that I seem to be fairly sensitive in general to any medications and things they do to my body. Like, it REALLY hurt during the first biopsy and I described the pain to the doctor as feeling like little chunks of me were being plucked and torn from inside my body and he said something like, “wow, that’s actually exactly what’s happening, we’ll give you more numbing medication then.” Duh. Oy vey, that was an awful experience. The day I had five biopsies was worse though. Let’s not even go there.

OK, anyway! Compiling the above list, I’m pleased to say that I have NOT had every side effect, at least not yet. So in the next journal/blog entry I’m including the more detailed descriptions of the side effects I’ve experienced, for any young women reading this blog before they start chemotherapy. I keep saying young women, because in general all of this cancer stuff is much more intense in women under 40, and so, being in my mid-thirties, my experience is going to be more relevant to women in my age group. Not that older women don’t have it just as bad, I’m sure some do, but I’ve been hearing a lot that older women don’t usually have as much difficulty with the multitude of side effects of cancer treatment as younger women do. So, anyway. In some cases I include related side effects that I’ve had that aren’t described in the literature I’ve found in my cancer research.