Category: The Cielem’el Survival & Growth Journal

Well, ok, so let’s blame it on chemo brain, but when I was looking at my test results online, the CBC results specifically that is, I was actually looking at the results from my last blood draw, which was the Friday before my last chemo infusion. In other words, the results were from a blood draw when I should have […]

We had a bit of a scare last week, well, not really a scare, but on Friday I finally called my doctor’s office because this anxiety thing was just too excessive and there just had to be something they could tweak with the meds to make it more tolerable and less freaky for me. But after I talked with the […]

“Cancer, Day XYZ.” It’s like Star Date [something something] from some sci fi show that I’m too young to understand. But I can’t imagine actually titling each of these little daily entries, oh and tagging, don’t get me going on tagging, I just can’t seem to get the hang of adding those to make later blog searching easier. Besides, overall […]

I finally finished a post from last week when I was reading an old book about a little girl who had bone cancer, a 4% probability of survival, and 18 months of chemotherapy. I don’t know exactly how the blog works and if it tells people when an older post has been modified or added to, so I thought I’d […]

The day I’ve been dreading for the past five days is here. Third round of chemo, here we go.

I have this book my mom bought for me when I was a little kid, it’s called “Michelle,” and the story of it stayed with me my entire life. When I was home this week, I went into my boxes of books and found it and brought it back to Sac with me. I’ve only read a couple chapters so […]

This is interesting. The Sutter Oncology Center called and asked me if I would be a mentor to a new breast cancer diagnose, Alice. I don’t know if Alice and I are close in age or not, but I told them that of course I’d do it. They confirmed my phone numbers and said they hope she’ll call me, but […]

Apparently the gauntlet has been thrown down. In expressing the desire to go to my favorite milonga in San Francisco last night, I was told that “you have to suck it up that you can’t do that right now and take better care of your caregiver.” Apparently I’ve been exceedingly selfish in taking care of myself during chemo, and someone […]

You know, when people tell me they feel bad that I’m going through this, I usually try to tell them that it’s not so bad, that it could be so much worse. And that’s really very true. I just found out yesterday that Tia Mary (Artie’s aunt, so, like, an aunt-in-law) has breast cancer. She just found out two weeks […]

Wow, what an awful way to wake up. And I have a terrible headache. I had the worst dream this morning. I was on my way home in the Jeep, I had just driven in on Christmas Tree Lane and gotten onto Tinsel Trail in some big snow (Tinsel Trail is the last bit of dirt road that goes to […]

The 19th is always a hard day, not matter what the month. I don’t even have to know the date, and then in the evening I’ll realize what the date is and suddenly know why the day was as difficult as it was. But especially now as there are just two months left and I remember conversations we had the […]

Anyone see that beautiful huge orange moon on the horizon tonight? Mark got back from picking up Rusty at the airport and took me in the back yard to show me this huge orange moon. Beautiful. It was of course just a beautiful moment, in and of itself. Before Mark had to leave for the airport, we’d been sitting together […]

I am in shock. I had to ask Mark: “Is it really Thursday?” The last few days just haven’t existed, it’s been a blur. Mostly I slept, which is good. Pass the worst of it unconscious, sounds like a good recovery plan to me! Our network is down at the house. Actually, it’s not really down, it’s exists and is […]

He’s been so good, so concerned, so carefully watchful, wanting so much to do everything right when neither of us really know what the heck either of us are actually supposed to be doing or how to communicate about it. How can you not appreciate that in someone and want to trust in him completely?

I slept pretty much all day, except that Mark and I went to these group sessions a Sutter Cancer Center, mine was for cancer patients and his was for family & caregivers. Afterward though, he had to lave a little early and go straight to teach at TBTR, so Brian picked me up and took me to his house where […]