cancer – day 160

Carsickness willing, I wanted to visit the cats today after lunch. And get things ready for them to “come home” to Mark’s house, to live in the guest bedroom at the end of the month. I’ve been rearranging the empty storage boxes and Peanut’s (Belinda’s tiny dog) gi-normous dog bed pad to make a nice window perch for the cats to be lazy on and hopefully not meow all day from being locked up in one room. That room is also my “music room” where I play my flute when I’m well enough. Haven’t done that since the last chemo. No energy.

But disregarding carsickness, I don’t think I can drive that far. My hands burn and shake with the neuropaty. The shaking is going deeper in my bones now, and everything huts my hands to touch. I keep trying to put on hand lotion to sooth them, but even the coolness of that feels like little slivers, until the temperature of it warms up to my hand. One thing I am definitely doing tonight though is yoga. It’s less than six blocks away, and I’m driving whether my doctors think I should or not. Mark can’t take me because his yoga is way across town and at the same time.

This afternoon’s big thing (it was just too daunting to face right away and try to work out yesterday afternoon after the DMV stuff, is to figure out why I haven’t gotten a disability check in over three weeks, and make sure I can still pay my mortgage. Then get those disability checks coming again. Why would they take so long to start up, and then suddenly stop again completely?

And how is someone on complete disability supposed to be able to cope with all this crap?