cancer – day 157
Monday, September 29, 2009
157 DAYS? Why is this count suddenly so seemingly ominous? I guess I’m thinking ahead to day 200 which will feel like a milestone number. To be preceded by the six-month hurdle, of course.
Having a really hard time seeing, yesterday and Saturday too. I’m trying to go through the motions, but I can see why people just have to retire at some point when their age insists. I just can’t function, the simplest tasks exhaust me, it takes me three tries to get off my office chair and that’s while holding onto both the desktop on one side and the bookcase on the other. So debilitating I really can’t believe it’s happening. Besides the eyesight thing being so annoying and all the other stuff (submarine wars in my GI, can’t function fingers properly or walk straight and keep my balance without holding onto something, the mouth sores, besides all that garbage, the bone pain is back. All I can say is that there is a world of difference between “back pain” and “bone pain,” and may no one I know ever need to know the difference. Bone pain seeps into the center of your bone and just radiates this stab of constant deep pain you can’t reach with any kind of deep tissue massage. About the only thing that helps is heat. So tonight I have my zoom turned way up on Word, spellchecker telling my messed up fingers that I have to go back to about 40% of what I’ve written, and my magnifying specs are on to help me see enough to type.
Mark should be back from yoga soon, and hopefully I’ll be able to go on Thursday. Though if I can’t ride my bike I don’t know how I’ll get there, and the bike is off-limits with this balance problem. Sigh.
One very quick funny . . . one of my friends sent me a piece of flair on facebook today (flair is like those little buttons people wear like on their suspenders and stuff when working in restaurants, you know, the yellow smiley face, “kiss me I’m Irish,” “life is too short to wear ugly shoes . . . ” you get the idea now. But on facebook it’s online of course, electronic, we’re not out there mailing around buttons or anything snail mail. Well it took me three tries to read this one with the font and all (and I didn’t get it the first time I could actually read the words either [chemo brain]), but when I finally got it I laughed out loud. It had the breast cancer ribbon in the middle of it, and the pink handwriting said “Help Save Second Base!”