Snowed OUT!?!
It’s amusing in a way that, after months on the road in my RV, I finally get back and spend less than a week in my house in El Dorado National Forest before leaving on a simple overnight trip that has now been more than a week in length. My house got snowed in, and I can’t get back with the RV yet.
Last week was actually fairly huge, life-wise, and the “snowed out” phrase keeps rising in the back of my mind with a wry smile as I consider it philosophically.
More Drugs
First off, I saw the neurologist again and they increased all my neuropathy and pain meds (second time in three weeks) in an attempt to get me more relief from the burning in my hands and feet. When I think about it, the pain seems about the same as a year ago when I first started seeing the neurologist, but at the same time, I can tell when the medicine is wearing off because the pain intensifies, so obviously the meds are doing something beneficial. When they first upped the Nucynta last month, the first 36 hours or so were a bit crazy because the increased dose made me seriously woozy and goofed in the head. Sleepy too, as it turns out. But the most recent increase in dosage is to get it higher at night, so it aligns with when I have the most pain. I can take the “old” (three weeks isn’t very old, but, whatever) lower dose in the morning so I can stay awake, then in the evening, when my hands or feet have gotten worse with use through the day, I can take the higher dose and get a bit more relief.
This time the increase didn’t seem to have as much of an impact, but that’s probably because at the same time I was on a reasonable dose of Percoset, which also messes with my head.
Another Teeny Tiny Surgery
The Percoset was for pain from a teeny tiny oral surgery I had where they grafted a bit of skin over part of my gums, and they cut the . . . darn, what’s that muscle called? . . . it basically holds your lower lip in, except mine was too tight and pulled my gums low. Anyway, they put on Percoset for that pain, so I was pretty out of it mentally when the new Nucynta dose was blended in.
One cool little side story on the oral surgery thing. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you know that I tweeted last weekend to see if anyone could babysit me Tuesday afternoon because they didn’t want me to drive myself home from the oral surgery. In a matter of a few hours, I had multiple people volunteering, offering to take time off work and so on, just to hang out with me the day of the surgery to make sure I was fine after. It’s a just-in-case thing, not that anyone previously has been able to do much other than feel sorry for me when the anesthesia was making me throw up. But thankfully that didn’t happen this time, and my old college buddy Kyle basically got to sit and read a book while I slept in the RV all Tuesday afternoon.
Off the Chaingang
But even with all this medical stuff going on, the really big life-changing thing that happened last week is that I left the Chaingang. I’ve been working for the same company, Chainalytics, for more than six years now. That’s a bit shocking to me, actually, because I’ve never really stayed around more than a couple of years before I would get recruited away. But the story of going to Chain and why I stayed so long definitely will consume much more text than I intend to type, so that all will wait for another day.
Anyway, I’ve been the program manager for Chainalytics’ MBBC since mid-2005. MBBC is Model-Based Benchmarking Consortium. It’s a group of shippers that would give us their transportation transactions to model with econometric regression to develop a benchmarking tool for them. I managed the group up from seven shippers to more than a hundred in this role of program manager which I jokingly defined, depending on the time of year, as glorified translator or glorified babysitter. I didn’t do the regression modeling, we had a brilliant MIT professor doing that. I just wrote the reports and explained to the members what the results meant so they could decide what to do with the information. In hindsight, it fits right in with every other job I’ve had, all of which can be linked by the essential characteristic of some kind of teaching.
But after chemo and radiation, I went back to work too fast and too hard, and since the neuropathy never got any better but did have a progressively deteriorating effect on my mental ability to work through the pain, work has been getting harder and harder to do, and I finally gave in to the idea that maybe I should go on disability for a while to see if not using my hands all day would actually help. I already swore off presenting at conferences, resist all but two flights to Atlanta per year, and never ever walk or stand while I’m working. All I do is type and talk on the phone, physically. But after a couple of hours my hands burn so much that even just holding the mouse can become completely physically impossible, and typing takes me longer and longer to do.
Interestingly enough, just as I went on indefinite medical leave, the company was reorganizing, and if I come off disability it will have to be in a new role because my old one isn’t going to exist a few months from now. Guess disability just saved me from re-training back into bizdev and surely having to travel and give a bunch of stand-up presentations again, which doesn’t really fit into the requirements I would have for going back, such as generally not requiring the use of my feet OR hands. How’s that for a tall order for a job? “Excuse me, but I’d like a job where I don’t have to stand up or type or hold a mouse because I have neuropathy, and btw, it needs to pay six figures.” Yeah, right. I may never make that kind of income again.
A New Lifestyle
In truth, though, I was making more than I needed, spending a lot and giving away a lot because I didn’t need it, and in general I just don’t need to make that much to have a satisfying life. Much more important to my quality of life is what I contribute to other individuals in their growth, rather than helping companies save or make more money. Granted, suddenly living on 30% of my previous income (that’s what disability pays in my situation) is a pretty major shift, and I don’t know for sure that the math really works. I may have some tough choices to make some day regarding selling all my stuff and my house in order to keep the RV (which is worth as much as a condo) so I can still travel the country and keep meeting with cancer support groups which is where I believe I may be able to be of some positive contribution in the world.
Appreciation
With my abrupt departure from chaingang in the middle of another medical procedure, I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to anyone except John Schnorf, but that was enough. I have lots of old friends at Chain, but in terms of people I’ve worked closely with and have developed both respect and appreciation for, in the end he was the only person I wanted to make sure I said thank you and goodbye to. Turns out Gary sent a note to the whole company yesterday, and I got quite a few e-mails from that, which was nice. People wishing me well, and even sharing more stories about family members or friends that had survived breast cancer (or not). And Gary apparently told Matt to tell my shippers/clients that I’m going on indefinite medical leave, so today I spent a good deal of the afternoon replying to messages from clients, which was really nice. When I went out for cancer treatment, Chain never told the clients what happened to me, and then suddenly six months later I was back and nothing was said then either. So it’s kind of nice that Chain would tell them this time, and give them an opportunity to send me personal messages.
It was pretty nice to get a bunch of messages from clients appreciating my work in addition to compassion and well wishes for my treatment/recovery. In the old days I would have saved those professional appreciation quotes for my resume on linkedin, but since I never expect to work in supply chain or technology again, I don’t think I’ll be going through that effort. As a matter of fact, the only thing I DO need to do on linked in is mark myself out.
Being Snowed Out
So the reason being “snowed out” has a double-meaning for me is because not only am I currently snowed out from getting back to my house, but I was completely in the dark about the upcoming changes at my company and the implications of that which, given my disability, were beyond huge. At least this way the forseeable future is comprehensible instead of a galaxy of vastness through unemployment and a frenzied search for do-able work to get health insurance. Regardless of income, health insurance had really been my big fear for leaving my job, so having gone on disability instead of getting “reorganized” and possibly finding myself completely unemployed. In this case, being kept in the dark is what saved me, because I applied for disability without knowledge of possible company changes that may have jeopardized my medical support. So, snowed out at work was a good thing.
I’ve talked to my nearest neighbor every few days since I left for surgery last week. The snow started just after I left for Auburn, and they lost power almost immediately. The power was out for three days. Today there is still some two feet of snow on the road from their house to mine, and nothing has gone in or out, including the garbage or the mail, since I left. Turns out I have a package to put on hold-at-facility with FedEx that they’ve tried to deliver five times, and my garbage can is three feet under. Oh well. Don’t really need it if I can’t get home, eh?
Back to the Literal Snow
The last time I called my neighbor, they told me “don’t come back if you don’t have to.” That was their message last weekend and again yesterday. Well, since I’m in the RV, I don’t have to. So after going to Sacramento for the weekend to go to the west coast swing convention and a milonga, I had gone back to Auburn but headed west again because I couldn’t go home. Traffic west on 80 was bad because it was a holiday Monday and I was on the path of travelers returning from ski country to the Bay Area, so I turned off and headed north through Marysville (which is shockingly similar in appearance to Yankton, SD, where my parents live). I ended up in Willows, which is a little town we used to go to for motorcycle races at nearby Thunderhill. Thunderhill, by the way, is where I finally out-rode my CBR 600 and just as it was time for me to upgrade to a faster race bike for the track, Artie was killed and I promised his mom never to ride a motorcycle again so that was the end of that. I hadn’t really thought about Willows in particular since then, but that’s where I ended up staying last night. Nostalgia is interesting, both saddening and joyful.
Full-Time RVing, Accidentally
I’ve been staying in rest stops and parking lots this trip. I haven’t paid for a place to stay since I left home over a week ago. I just try to move around enough that I don’t bother anyone by staying too long. I feel bad parking in a mall or Walmart parking lot and putting up my satellite to get internet, but I’ve had to do that a couple times this trip. I’m just not willing to buy a Starbies for free internet every day when I have my own internet satellite I can just raise up whenever I want. The house batteries have not held up well though, and I spent one night curled around the cats under multiple blankets in indoor 55 degree cold because the batteries didn’t have enough charge to run the thermostat so the gas heater would run. The refrig also runs on propane but is regulated with electricity, so unless the generator is running, I have to make sure the vehicle battery and house batteries are charged or I’m going to have an uncomfortable night AND the fridge is going to beep every ten seconds unless I get up and actually manually shut it down.
So far, so good, really. I’m somewhere between Williams and Woodland now (I did go into Woodland today, but I ended up at a very recession-depressed mall, so I went back north a few miles for the night), and tomorrow I’ll head back into Sac to get my package at FedEx and then drive out to Vacaville to see Angeline’s new dance studio (I’ll probably park in West Sac that night), then I have the Roseville breast cancer support group meeting Thursday before I’ll try to get home.
Thursday I’m getting to at least Volcanoville and then I’ll call the neighbor or hike in to get my Jeep to come back out to the RV to get the cats home. I’m pretty sure my snow gear is still in one of the RV compartments. We’re supposed to get another big storm Saturday, so with the current snowfall on my road, I’m not actually sure if I’ll get the RV home at all, but at least I can get some more clothes and close up the house properly before taking to the road again. Darn, I have a ton of laundry to do too, every towel, sheet, and cat bed in this thing needs to be washed, and the RV itself needs a good internal scrubbing, vacuuming, and steam cleaning. Oh yeah, and I need to tow the Camry out of the garage so I can jump start it and make sure it’s just a dead battery before I try to sell it before I leave. Lots to do, and I probably won’t be back in NorCal again until May.
But! It is what it is, so roll with it, eh? I’d rather be hovering in the vicinity of my home in NorCal than freezing my bum off back in South Dakota, though that’s where I’ll be in April. No offense to residents, but I would be hard-pressed for a reason to go to eastern South Dakota if my family didn’t live there, and why they moved there is a bit of a mystery to me. Anyway! Even when you’re just randomly full-time RVing, NorCal is a good place to be.