Keep My Energy Bright and Joyful

Whining About Dancing

So it’s the first night of the Capital Swing Convention tonight, and I’m planning to go (after a nap and some serious grooming, man, do I ever let myself go to hell after a little surgery and a few days in the RV!).

I’m glad to be going, and also upset, in a way. The last time I went dancing, I was on my feet for a few songs and the pain became so intense I could barely contain myself long enough to grab my street shoes and bail for the car before crying my eyes out, shrieking in pain, I kid you not. It’s absolutely awful when it gets that bad.

And sometimes I ask myself why I still do it. Why do I keep trying to dance, when I know how much physical pain it will bring me? In one of these weak, self-pitying moments, I asked a friend: “Dance – something to keep trying to do or something to let go of and release the associated frustration and pain?” The response was both encouraging and discouraging.

First, the good stuff.

“Keep Doing! Your excitement afterward is palpable!”

But then, the discouraging part:

“BTW, pain is mandatory for you . . . ” Ugh, what a way to look at it. Or maybe not such a bad way. I’ll have to give this thought a try this weekend. “Pain is mandatory for you Cynthia, that’s your starting point. It is what it is, now move forward from here. See how much pain you can dance through right now.” Maybe a lot, depending on your perspective. A few songs is a lot for me right now. A couple of tandas and I’m dead. But a tanda is three songs, so that means six dances before I’m dead. That’s better than one!

The second, not-so-depressing but not-so-inspiring part:

” . . . but frustration is optional. J Only you can assess whether the pain is too much.” Argh. He’s so right. It doesn’t have to be frustrating, I just let it frustrate me. That will be my goal for tonight. Dance what I can, be appreciative of it, and stop when I must without getting frustrated at my limitations. Uff da, will that be tough. I used to dance from midnight to dawn at west coast swing conventions like tonight. Straight through, never even sitting down for one song because that would zap my energy.

I should still have that energy, and it’s up to me whether or not I let it be frustrating that I have to stop dancing when I do. Maybe what I need to be practicing is keeping my energy bright and joyful even when I have to sit out.

Now THAT’s going to take some processing and practice. Keep my energy bright and joyful watching other people do what I love doing but can’t because the pain knocked me on my ass. OK, skip that second part, keep repeating the first, and see how the night goes.

Keep my energy bright and joyful, keep my energy bright and joyful, keep my energy bright and joyful, keep my energy bright and joyful . . . “