Evaluate Your Relationships

Everyone we meet in our lives is there for a reason. Maybe it’s just to get you to move over so the muddy gutter water doesn’t splash up on you, or maybe they are in your life to help you learn a lesson.

I feel very strongly about that second point, because Artie’s death tore apart my life; I became the phoenix consumed in its own flames only to rise out of those ashes reborn. Some day I’ll tell you how Artie literally forced me to take action in my personal and spiritual growth and pushed me to move on to the next stage in my personal and spiritual growth. But the point is, the people in your life are all there for a reason. You may not like the lesson you are suppose to learn, and you seriously do have the option NOT to learn it. So life will find another person and another opportunity. And another, and another, and another, and so on and so forth.

You will often have so much that you’re working on in your life, in your development and a zillion other things that vie for your time that in the long run . . . even in the short run . . . it’s pretty much a necessity for your growth and self-awareness to evaluate each relationship in your life and comprehend why each person is there. Family, friends, lovers, enemies – each person is a part of your life for a reason. Maybe it’s emotional support, or maybe simply financial. Maybe you need to learn (like I was supposed to learn from every relationship I’ve ever been in) how to keep your identity while in a romantic relationship. The thing is, if you’re going to understand and define what it is that each person contributes to your life, you have to think about who they are, and who you are. And that, my friends, is exactly where self-understanding comes from.

For example . . . have you ever been on the receiving end of the “sorry to break up with you, but I love having you as a friend” speech? I have. I’ve been given that exact speech more than once.

Eventually I figured out that I had to learn to accept rejection in order to gain a new type of emotionally close male friends. Prior to that lesson sinking in, my male friends were either A) great friends-without-benefits from the get-go, or B) romantic interests that were removed from my life when the romantic relationship ended. Repeat scenario after repeat scenario, life was trying to teach me a lesson but I wasn’t paying attention.

Callous as this may sound, your personal growth should always be more important than an attraction to any given individual. Lay it out. What has the person contributed to your life and who you are? Does this person have the potential to make a contribution to your life, your growth? And what do they need from you? It’s OK to recognize that you deserve a lot more than what a particular relationship has to offer you. And if you can’t determine how this person will contribute to your growth, then dating them will only slow down or possibly stop your growth and development.

On the other hand . . . there could be a lot of reasons this person entered your life. Perhaps they add value to your life as a trusted friend, or maybe the relationship is an outlet for enjoyable hangin’ out and you know that you need more of that in your life. Or, here’s a good one: maybe you are in that person’s life because they need to learn some lesson in life, and the benefit to you is the simple but life-enhancing realization that you are helping someone else.

So take a look at the people in your life. Practice your self-awareness and figure out why you are connected to each person. Every relationship you have will gain meaning, you’ll realize some should be let go of, and you’ll probably learn a lot about yourself in the process.