cancer – day 377

One good thing about the blackberry is that’s it’s handy for jotting down little thoughts or a quick blog at unexpected times and places. At the moment I’m in a sushi restaurant by myself already finished eating my share of the sushi Brian ordered and, finding that there’s not enough signal in here to surf, I’m clicking away, only occasionally hearing the Japanese disco/cha cha music. I can’t fault Brian for having to take a call from the Phillipines, it’s just a bummer that he’s only here once a month and I won’t see him again until September. 🙁 Right before he gets married, WhooHoo! =D

Brian has been my closest friend since Artie died. And it was just one of those weird freaky things that he ended up in Sac and me nearby a couple years ago. He really wanted me to stay at his house instead of Mark’s during chemo, but it was a 2-bed 1-bath with a roommate. Me staying there would have meant sleeping on a futon couch without anywhere to have my computer set up, zero privacy, and I can’t imagine what a hassle for Brian.

Though, the last time we had sushi, in November, I was tearily asking Brian if I could possibly crash out the last three weeks of radiation at his house because things had gotten so awful with Mark. Brian reminded me tonight, I had confessed to him then that I could live without being loved or cared about but I just needed to be around someone who at least liked me. By that time Mark’s tolerance of cancer-girl had degraded to the point that he would ignore me for days, then only speak to me, harshly, to inform me of his intent to take my car to go dancing in San Francisco without me. Jerk. It was a truly miserable existence at the end (as opposed to the glorious experience everything had been up to that point).

I wish I knew the emoticon for rolling your eyes. So often that’s how I should end my entries. 🙂