cancer – day 329
I was asked a question yesterday that, as I tried to reply to it today, got me thinking back into chemo and trying to remember things a little (which is a kind of thinking I usually avoid). But this woman has a friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and the friend is a very independent person who doesn’t especially like the usual sentimental thinking-of-you gifts like cards and flowers. And the woman who e-mailed me wanted to ask me what kind of gift she could give to this friend, hopefully something that would be useful during chemo in some way.
If only everyone were so thoughtful as to think about that question before buying a gift for a chemo patient! I remember, it was my first scheduled day of chemo (which I didn’t end up having because it got delayed), and my boyfriend gave me a pretty wrapped box with a bow on it, a present. How very nice! And certainly not something I would have thought of, that he would give me a gift on the first day of chemo, I thought that was just such an incredibly thoughtful thing to do. So I’m opening this box wondering what in the world he would get me for a first-day-of-chemo present, and . . . it’s this ‘40s style lingerie garter belt and fancy accessories. I looked up at him not really sure how I was going to let myself react, and then, seeing the expectant excitement in his eyes, I said “Are you serious? This isn’t a gift for me, this is a gift for yourself.” And I set it down on the counter still in the box and went in my office to cry wondering how the hell I was going to get through chemo living with someone so incredibly selfish and insensitive. I mean, come on! There are sooooooooo many things wrong with giving ME that kind of gift, I can’t even list them all. And on the first day of chemo? That is just BEYOND insensitive in my book.
Sorry, got off on a tangent there. Anyway, after I wrote the e-mail back to Phoenix today with gift ideas for her friend, I thought maybe that was something that would interest a lot of people that read my blog, so I thought I’d let you know what I told her.
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The first thing that came to mind was maybe a book that she could read while at chemo because there’s nothing to do while you sit there getting infused, and it’s a nice restful activity when she’s tired but not sleepy. But that would have been a terrible present for me because my eyesight was so affected by the chemo drugs that I couldn’t see the page to read or write, nor could I read my computer screen. So my next idea would be a book on CD. If you want to give her something light to enjoy, one book on CD I liked is “Chasing Harry Winston” by Lauren Weisberger (which I happened to receive as a gift from my close friend Brian). If your friend is interested in spiritual things, Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” stuff is always good, or you could try another book on CD I recently enjoyed: “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert.
One of the nicest things two of my friends did for me was have me over for a dinner of all things that I could eat and none of the stuff that was making me nauseous and nothing with any strong smells. They didn’t even cook the food in the house where we had dinner, so that there wouldn’t be any cooking smells to make my stomach turn. And the dinner was all these things you could have little bits of and then have a little more later after they chatted a while, because I could never eat much at one time during chemo. They did most of the talking, I was so exhausted all the time I wasn’t very good company. But the three of us had a lovely dinner and it’s honestly one of my few good memories during chemo.
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Those are the only gift ideas I gave in the e-mail, though as I think about it now, other good gifts (for me, anyway) during chemo would have been soft cozy things like soft fuzzy socks, or a soft cap for when I was bald, or one of those amazingly soft sleeping t-shirts by, ach, who makes those? Let me look in the drawer . . . it’s made by Boss.
[Oh, and here’s a tip for all you guys who really REALLY want to give a girl lingerie even after reading my digression above . . . the ONLY way to do this and still appear to be a thoughtful gentleman is to make it a date gift. Meaning, you go out on a date together, just the two of you of course, and the date activity is for her to go to her favorite lingerie store (e.g., Victoria’s Secret) with you in tow, and then SHE gets to select whatever lingerie item/outfit SHE wants, and you buy it for her (including standing in line with your credit card yourself). If you have even a half-way decent relationship this will be a totally fun outing and your girl will have a ball asking you if you like this one or that one, and being the envy of every other woman in the store who doesn’t have a male escort doting on them and buying them silky things.]