cancer – day 217
It was a quiet Thanksgiving . . . we slept in REALLY late, and I didn’t do a thing except rest and mess around on the computer a little until it was time to get ready to go to Thanksgiving dinner in the evening. We went to a little tango get-together that was really enjoyable. I almost didn’t make it, I was in tears on the drive and was having a really hard time getting in control of the pain which was especially bad in my feet. But I got it together and had a good time, ate too much turkey, and I lasted over three hours before I really couldn’t hold on anymore and we had to leave. Mark’s starting to understand, when I stop smiling and get really quiet, I’m done in.
It’s a game face thing, I’ve always had it, I sometimes think I learned it from my mom. Basically, the idea is that just because you feel awful doesn’t mean you have to make anyone else feel awful, and so when possible try to grin and bear it rather than take out whatever’s wrong on the people around you. I’ve always done that for work, it’s not like clients care if you don’t feel good or are having a bad day. And teaching dance it’s the same thing. I’ve learned how to get that I-love-what-I’m-doing-and-who-I’m-with smile and keep it through hours of lessons when I don’t feel well or am really stressed or tired. It doesn’t matter if your feet hurt, the student at 9PM deserves the same attention and pleasurable dance lesson that the 1PM student got from you. So, I have a game face, especially around dance. But these days it only lasts so long before I can’t do it anymore, and then it’s time to go home and recover for the next thing.
I didn’t think ahead to this, but our hostess at Thanksgiving dinner last night asked to go around the table and each of us say what we’re thankful for. Oh boy, that was an emotional moment for me, and of course all I could say was that I was thankful for this community and just being able to be here and to be able to spend time with friends, and then Mark said something about being thankful that I was doing so well, and that just really got me. Of all the things he could tell this whole group that he’s thankful for . . . well, it was a tender moment.
One more Thanksgiving story, sort of. On Monday at yoga my instructor, Kim, was already in a Thanksgiving mood, and at the end of the practice while we were in shavasana she suggested that we perhaps take a moment to think about something we were thankful for. I immediately thought of my parents and it was such a strong emotional pull that it brought me to tears. I am truly lucky to be so loved and so blessed.