I hung out with one of the CGW guys Sunday afternoon, Kevin. He had been with the group of people I went out with Sunday and Monday nights, and also Thursday night when I got back from Atlanta. There were just a few of us left in Vegas on Thursday I had just landed from Atlanta and he text-invited me to join the group going out, and we went zip-lining downtown. That was FUN! Except for all the walking, by the time I double-limped to the Jeep to go home (to my RV I mean) I could not see or even walk straight the burning in my feet was soooooo bad.

Not Taking the Pain Away, But Trying

Actually, he did something interesting as the four of us walked back to our vehicles after the last zip line run. I didn’t really notice at first because all I could think about were the needles of fire I could practically see under my feet with every step. But he had put his hand on m shoulder, not exactly massaging it, but . . . something. Then I felt it and realized what he was doing. It was like when a masseuse is trying to release some particular tension point, except naturally it wasn’t my shoulder that hurt, it was my hands and feet. But he had been really, really sensitive to that and was careful about holding my elbow or whatever instead of touching my fingers. I had to be right about what he was trying to do with my shoulder. “Are you trying to take the pain out of me?” He looked at me. “Yep.”

I thought that was pretty darn cool, even though it didn’t help. It was thoughtful in a new way, not just feeling sorry for me that I’m in pain and not knowing what to do except say “I’m sorry” which is exactly what everyone including my parents do, because what the hell can you say when there is nothing you can do to ease someone’s pain? Anyway, that was Thursday, and since I was unexpectedly staying in town another week because the RV people had to order more parts, he suggested getting together Sunday afternoon, which was cool with my schedule. I went out to . . . (darn it, what’s the name of that mountain?) well, anyway, Saturday I was off Jeeping, and Friday I was resting up after so many nights of going out. Same thing Saturday. I went to bed early and rested a lot. And by Sunday afternoon, I had recovered my energy. My happy sending-unconditional-love-into-the-cosmos energy, no less. It’s great to feel like I’ve gotten that back, after that whole rush to Atlanta and back last week and not having enough sleep in nearly a week either.

The CGW Connection, a Higher Level of Consciousness

I love the connection between our CGW5 people. Kevin and I talked about all kinds of stuff yesterday, getting to know each other better and just plain sharing and talking about (and through) our Truths, doing the whole CGW thing, which basically means maintaining an openness you probably normally don’t even have with yourself. He seems so completely uninhibited to me, just being around him gives me constant opportunity to exercise my intent of being open-minded. It was a really nice easy afternoon. And totally deep. Holy crap, I can’t believe the things I told him. CGW is like a truth serum, as we talked and did the whole Truth thing for like three hours or so, and I was figuring out things about myself that I had never really understood before, just because I was talking it out with someone from CGW who had been through the workshops with me and understood that we were functioning on a higher level than previously.

Wild, I didn’t really think that until just now. At CGW, we all learned how to raise our consciousness. And because we did that together, we have this intense personal bond now that is just unbelievable. Because there is an understanding that no matter what we share unconditional love and support each other, and help each other find our Truths.

Another Dream/Reality Confusion

But this whole confusion I have between my dream state and waking reality is getting really confusing. As I woke up this morning, I was talking with Kevin in my dream state, I think. He was talking about the color of my eyes, how the shades of blue change to aqua-ish to royal to just plain light blue. I think it was in my dream, anyway. I don’t remember talking with him about that specific little thing yesterday . . . but oh gosh did I ever tell him a lot yesterday, more than I’ve ever told any single person. Not just the story of how I was adopted, but, like, I told him everything about the day I dreamed Artie and I fell asleep together, and woke up together and how in the morning I could seriously physically feel him there spooned with me in bed and about how I felt him standing there behind me all day with his arms encircling my chest with that insane sense of desperation coming from him and how I didn’t understand. I actually got out of my chair and stood behind Kevin to show him what it felt like, and he seemed to totally get it. Ach, and I told him about how I can’t tell my dreams from reality (re-evidenced today when he confirmed that we did NOT have a conversation about my eye color last night, but he was complimented to have been in my dream). I even told Kevin about what it feels like to want to not exist. Not to commit suicide, not to die, but just not . . . be. He was totally supportive of all my whackness. CGW all the way.

I have teasingly dubbed him my “Vegas Baby” saying it like, “Vegas, Baby!” like in that Swingers movie. It’s fun.

And omg, it’s his birthday today. We talked about how birthdays aren’t a big deal, but still, I have to remember that it’s his birthday. His facebook doesn’t say his birthdate, so I just sent him a profile note saying “Happy *Bleep* Day! ” which is a little joke because we talked about What The BLEEP?!? yesterday. I don’t know too many people who really get What The BLEEP?!? So it was really interesting to spend a couple hours one-on-one with someone functioning at that level.

* Please Note: There is NO “so I met this guy” element to this story. 😀  We’ve done some intense CGW Truth sharing with the heart connection that makes someone my friend for life, and that is waaaayyyyyyyyy more cool than some passing attraction.